The Department of Education has announced it is to publish league tables showing which schools are the best at fighting and just looking scary. Education Minister Lord Adonis explained ‘Parents have the right to know this information – it will help them make an informed choice on the right school for their child. Some of our lowest achieving schools academically may have other strengths. Often the highest GCSE results come from boys who are soft as shite.’
Education unions were angry at teachers being saddled with another layer of bureaucracy as it will involve their members assessing how many hard-nuts there are in any one year group, and whether they are just all mouth or ‘could actually give it some’.
Meanwhile the headmaster of Streatham Technical School claimed that some schools were distorting their data and he challenged the government figures. ‘They’ve got us below Norwood Boys. Our lads could ’ave them no problem, they’re all gay.’ The headmaster has arranged a ‘massive bundle’ between the two schools on Streatham Common after school tomorrow to resolve the issue.