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Increased cocaine use prompts septum donor cards

Septum Donor CardThe Health Secretary this week launched a new scheme encouraging people to carry Septum Donor Cards. The shortage of septums for transplant has reached crisis level as more and more cocaine users are losing the skin and gristle inside their nose. The handy new cards bear the legend ‘I would like a cocaine addict to have separate nostrils after I die.’

However it appears that the cards may come too late for celebrity cocaine-head Daniella Westbrook who is looking for another bit of skin between her nostrils after her face rejected yet another transplant. Surgeons battled for hours to save the fragile layers of skin and gristle, but to no avail. ‘They say two into one won’t go’ said head surgeon Simon Andrews, ‘But with Daniella’s nostrils it seems to be unavoidable.’

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Posted: Jul 23rd, 2006 by NewsBiscuit

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