NewsBiscuit

A pledge to adhere more closely to the teachings of the Holy Bible has put George W. Bush in the difficult position of having to do away with the entire basis of Western profit capitalism.

For some time the religious right has been increasing its hold over the Republican Party, citing passages of the Bible to justify legislation against homosexuality, stem-cell research and abortion. But with money-lending so clearly forbidden in the New Testament, the President has had to face up to the fact that the whole basis of the world economy is founded upon a mortal sin.

Under legislation now being prepared on Capitol Hill, all forms of money-lending will soon be illegal; mortgages, overdraft facilities, hire purchase, national debt, banks, the IMF and the World Bank. Those transgressing the new laws on money-lending will face interest-free fines, possible imprisonment, and of course will go to Hell for all eternity.

President Bush was upbeat about how things will work after these new reforms; ‘We can always get the Jews to do all the money-lending. That always seemed to work ok in the olden days. Plus if folks need to raise money in the short term they can always sell their daughters into slavery as permitted in Exodus 21.7.’

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Posted: Sep 18th, 2006 by NewsBiscuit