NewsBiscuit

One of Britain’s top private schools has come under fire after launching a Latin exchange programme for its pupils. Spencer House College in Hampshire is one of the most exclusive boarding schools in the country, but has provoked anxiety among parents whose children are currently taking part in the first residential school trips to Ancient Roman society.

‘Nothing improves a child’s facility in a language than immersing themselves in that society and culture’ explained Clive Stafford MA, Head of Classics at Spencer House. ‘Latin scholars have always been at a disadvantage to the students of modern foreign languages. But now our boys can spend two weeks speaking Latin all day every day, and really get to understand what it felt like to be an ancient Briton in the Roman Empire.’

With no-one having spoken Latin for over a thousand years, the Roman environment has had to be artificially recreated at a villa in Central Italy. The families, made up of Latin speaking actors, are under strict instructions to stick to Roman customs and traditions at all times. They eat olives wrapped in larks tongues and then go to the vomitorium to regurgitate them up again.

‘My Timmy hates foreign food’ explained one anxious mother, ‘he’s never going to eat olives wrapped in larks’ tongues. Plus I hear they’re doing naked wrestling and chariot racing and that when the family go out to the forum they leave Timmy on his own at the domus with a couple of slave girls’ said the mother of the fifteen year old. ‘He must be very bored.’

Parents hoping to hear how their children were getting on asked why that have not even received a single phone call, and had it explained to them that the telephone will not be invented for another 1700 years. A message from Timmy to his parents is expected to reach them at some point next year.

Other parents are even more concerned. One boy from a devout Christian family was rumoured to have been thrown to the lions, while another particular rude child was believed to have been sold into slavery and was last heard of working as a galley slave in the Aegean.

But the headmaster of Spencer House was unrepentant. ‘Spencerains are incredibly resilient young individuals. If one of our chaps has been sold into slavery, I know he’ll make a damn good go of it and come back all the stronger.’

p.s.

Posted: Oct 3rd, 2006 by NewsBiscuit