Pop megastar Madonna stunned journalists this morning when she announced that she was expecting her third baby in the spring and had consequently ‘sent back’ the child she’d recently adopted in Malawi.
The scandal surrounding the celebrity adoption had been growing throughout the week, with local childcare agencies accusing the star of circumventing the usual adoption procedures. However the announcement that Madonna didn’t need the boy after all because she was having ‘a proper baby’ has not seemed to placate her critics.
‘The African kid filled a void in me for a while, but we all move on,’ said the singer to waiting journalists as she left her London home to purchase a conical maternity bra. ‘I think they sent that other kid back already. I’m not sure. But he should be with his people now. Like Mowgli in that Disney cartoon. As my Kaballah teacher reminded me ‘wherever you may be – there you are.’
The impoverished African parents of little David Banda said they had been thrilled to meet the most successful female recording artist of all time even if they thought she’d gone off the boil a bit since the American Life album. They added that they were prepared to offer their child for adoption to another female singer, even one not as rich or famous as Madonna. They are currently awaiting responses from Kate Bush, Olivia Newton-John and Dana.