Midsomer plea for new residents


Residents of Midsomer are having to advertise for new residents as the current spate of murders continues to decimate the area.

The population of Midsomer began to drop rapidly around seven years ago, when a number of bizarre and unconnected murders started to occur. ‘We had a lovely old lady who used to run the village post office’ said Midsomer resident Elsie Jenkins. ‘But then she was mysteriously murdered for no apparent reason. Except it turned out that there was a motive and Inspector Barnaby eventually got to the bottom of it.’

Within the past few years the prosperous and attractive English county has developed one of the highest murder rates in the world, way above Los Angeles or Johannesburg. The Midsomer Neighbourhood Watch has been criticised for failing to prevent a single homicide, even when five of its members were strangled at the same coffee morning.

Now the area’s reputation is putting people off the idea of moving into the increasing number of empty houses, even if all the blood has been wiped off the kitchen walls. ‘People hear the name ‘Midsomer’ and think ‘Oh we’re not moving there, we might get murdered.’ Added Elsie Jenkins; ‘I think that television series has probably got something to do with it.’

Local residents are now pressing ITV bosses to make a series that puts more emphasis on some of the positive aspects of the locality, but programme titles such as ‘Midsomer Nice Shops’ and ‘Midsomer Good Rail Links’ have all been rejected.

Midsomer Murder‘Oh if an eccentric old lady gets murdered and her rare flower collection is stolen except the murderer leaves behind an enigmatic business card, then everyone is interested.’ Said Mrs Jenkins. ‘But tell them some good news, like the new by-pass was finished on time and no one wants to know…’

Mrs Jenkins then collapsed forward revealing that a ornamental Moroccan dagger had been plunged into her back, very similar to a knife that was on display in a Midsomer Antiques Shop until last Tuesday…

firsttimer01 (via submissions board)

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Posted: Oct 20th, 2006 by

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