Attractive young women with a predilection for flimsy, lace based nightwear are being warned not to believe themselves safe from the attentions of vampires this Halloween.
The new warning comes despite assurances that Romanian workers will not be allowed into the country without work permits, as it is believed that some Transylvanian migrants may have already been slipping past passport control before the new ruling comes into force. ‘With Romania joining the EU this is going to be an increasing problem…’ said Police Chief Sir Ian Blair. ‘But known vampires are already entering this country in broad daylight. Well not broad daylight, obviously, that’s just a figure of speech.’
A recent application by Count Dracula to work in the UK was rejected as he did not have the required plumbing or building qualifications. An ability to appear invisible in mirrors, to turn into an unconvincing bat or transform into a swirling mist were adjudged to be workplace skills that were not required for employment in the British building or agricultural sectors. Despite this rejection, Neighbourhood Watch groups have reported an increasing number of incidents in which young virgins have had the blood sucked from their neck leaving them to join the ranks of the un-dead. Police chiefs say that October 31st may see a peak in this sort of anti-social behaviour.
‘So at this time of year we are reminding young ladies who are inclined to swan around on balconies looking wistful or silhouetting themselves against dramatic skylines to take the usual precautions of holding up crucifixes and hanging up garlic. It’s just common sense really.’