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Nostradamus ‘predicted squeezy marmite jars’

A new study published today claims that the sixteenth century soothsayer Nostradamus predicted the revolutionary new squeezy Marmite jar. The convenient yeast-spread serving solution was only launched this year and yet it appears that its invention was foreseen nearly four hundred years ago by the great Renaissance prophet.

‘This is an incredibly exciting discovery in one of the world’s most famous texts,’ said Kenneth Jupp from the Nostradamus Society. ‘We know that Michel de Nostradame foresaw the rise of Hitler and Napoleon, the assasination of Kennedy and the Nuclear bomb. But there was one section that made no sense. That’s because it hadn’t happened until now!’

For years scholars had been baffled by quatrains 56 and 57, hypothesising about possible references to the beheading of Charles I or the Great Fire of London. But with this new translation from the old French it has suddenly become clear that the baffling verses refer to the popular savoury spread and the problems of extracting the last bit from the jar;

‘And the Angles shall season their crust with salty yeast,
Thick but thin, it shall bring love or hate,
But the tub shall hide the final share,
And men shall weep and curse the elusive tub.’

‘And so the pot shall be o’er-turned,
And glass shall be no more,
And men shall grasp the yielding gourd,
But you still won’t be able to get the last bit, though it’s fun drawing faces on your toast.’

However the British Library has questioned the accuracy of this new edition of the prophesies, suggesting that Marmite’s PR company have been very liberal with their translation of the original French.