Animal rights campaigners vowed a ‘swift and brutal’ campaign of retaliation today after it emerged that several high street banks have been testing their services on animals. The banks, who have all previously denied that they are involved in vivisection, have arranged extra security measures to counter the threat from the Animal Liberation Front, who said that ‘every employee, every branch, and every person linked to the banks concerned is a valid target, and will probably have their tyres slashed and nasty graffiti sprayed on their house’.
The news broke when a whistle-blower from Lloyd’s claimed that animals were routinely used to determine the sales potential of a range of financial products, ranging from mortgages to Mini ISAs. Clare Stafford, a former member of the Lloyd’s Insurance and Investment team, declared in a statement that, ‘Some of the scenes were really horrific. They would put a monkey in a room and make him choose between two different mortgage deals – a Fixed Rate deal and a Standard Variable Rate, for example. Then they’d force him to choose between a variety of loans, each for different amounts and with different rates of interest. And then at the end of the day they’d put him back in his cage and give him a banana, as if that compensated for all the traumatic financial decisions he had had to make. It was so upsetting.’
She also alleged that the banks attempted to convince the monkeys to purchase insurance, and in extreme cases even repossessed their cages if they got themselves into debt through poor decision making.
A member of the ALF said that their retribution would be typically swift, unpleasant, and entirely justified. ‘It is barbaric that in this day and age innocent monkeys can be subjected to this kind of torture, without any concern for the horrendous effect it has on their credit rating. These monkeys will never be able to take out a student loan, buy a house or start up a business, and we see it as our duty to find who is responsible for this torture and to dig up their grandparents’ graves. It’s the only reasonable response’.