NewsBiscuit

High level talks between President Bush and Prime Minister Tony Blair never really took place as the two leaders couldn’t think of anything to say to one another, a secret microphone has revealed.

This is the second time this year a stray microphone has caused embarrassment to the two world leaders, but today’s revelation that the high level talks were all pretend will be far more damaging.

As the news cameras at the White House watched the two men disappear behind closed doors for their urgent summit on Iraq and the Middle East, reporters explained that a series of policy choices were being be thrashed out in private as the allies shared their ideas about ending the escalating crisis in Iraq. Instead the microphone revealed the two statesman nervously waiting in the next room, enduring long periods of awkward silence, wondering what on earth they should say to the world’s media when they came out.

One muffled exchange picked up by the President’s lapel mic revealed the anxiety of the two leaders;
‘How long shall we give it Blair?’
‘Um, I don’t know – I mean we can’t just come out again after five minutes.’
‘Ten, maybe?’
‘No I think, it should be longer than expected. You know, make it look like we’re really, really concerned about this…’
(SILENCE)
‘Hey Blair – you want to play Battleships?’
‘Um, OK. But can I be on the same side as you?’

Tony Blair denied that the recording of their exchange was embarrassing and claimed that what the microphone doesn’t pick up is that a lot of useful progress was made simply using ‘positive body language’.

The Prime Minister’s office also claim that a lot of progress was made by the two leaders jotting down their ideas to each other on a pad. However papers removed from the conference room after the summit reveal only a series of coloured in squares with labels such as ‘destroyer’ and ‘aircraft carrier.’ In a spooky parallel with real life, the game of battleships seemed to have gone very badly for them both, with no clear exit strategy for ending the grid-based military guessing game. The recording ends with the British Prime Minister attempting to explain the concept of ‘irony’ to President Bush.

newsbicuit

Posted: Dec 8th, 2006 by NewsBiscuit