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Shuttle astronauts ‘really getting on each others’ tits’

The astronauts in Discovery space shuttle have been unable to complete all of their space duties as several members of the crew are no longer talking to one other after three days living in extremely close proximity.

Discovery AstronautsThe atmosphere inside the Discovery deteriorated on Monday evening before the craft docked with the International Space Station. An argument developed between two of the male members of the crew. According to NASA transcripts, a niggly squabble escalated after a minor personal observation. Lieutenant Norris apparently asked crewmember Collins if he had to ‘always do that little grunt thing’ he did when he was reading. COLLINS: ‘What little grunt thing? NORRIS: ‘You grunt to yourself when you are reading.’ COLLINS: ‘I do not. Anyway it’s better than picking your nose… NORRIS: ‘I do not pick my nose…’ COLLINS: ‘What’s that floating around in the cockpit then? Zero-gravity booger! Complete with a Norris nasal hair.’

Monitors then appear to show a certain amount of shoving, biting and hair pulling until Commander Fairfax then stepped in to halt the astronauts’ girly slap-fight. NASA have refused them permission to use the billion dollar space laboratory to ascertain whose nasal hair it was and has instructed the team to continue with their duties as planned. However early this morning Norris refused to perform a scheduled space walk as he said he did not trust the others not to cut the cord. Collins claimed Norris was being paranoid and said the scissors in his hand were for some Christmas wrapping he was doing later. An attempt by Commander Fairfax to improve things by offering to swap bunks backfired when both men refused to share with ‘Garlic-Breath Fairfax’.

Mission control has issued a statement commending Commander Fairfax for stepping in to do the scheduled space walk himself but are now concerned that he currently refuses to come back inside.

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Posted: Dec 13th, 2006 by NewsBiscuit

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