NewsBiscuit

A poll taken in the wake of Lord Stevens enquiry into the death of Diana has shown overwhelming support for not putting her death behind us, but for continuing to pore over every detail of the Princess’s life and death.

‘This report draws a line under the car crash once and for all…’ said one Midlands house-wife. ‘But how come they made her walk through those minefields then, if they weren’t trying to kill her?’

Others were more certain; ‘This so-called report is all part of a cynical whitewash by the British establishment,’ said one internet blogger. ‘It’s obvious it was murder. If the British secret services were going to kill the most famous woman in the world, the safest way of doing it would be to get the driver to crash her car while lots and lots of press photographers were following and in a foreign country where you have no control over the security services, medical teams or media.’

Lord Stevens broke with conventional legal jargon as he unveiled the report, announcing to assembled press photographers that his official conclusion was that Princess Diana had lived her life ‘like a candle in the wind’. He and the other ten detectives involved in the enquiry were also convinced that she ‘never faded with the sunset when the rain set in’ and that ‘her candle burned out long before the legend ever will.’ The official report into her death is now to be re-published as a Christmas coffee table book, will full colour photos of Diana in some of her most famous outfits. The lavishly illustrated hardback is expected to top the non-fiction charts this Christmas, with the bonus that there are enough people who dismiss it as part of an establishment cover-up for the official report to top the fiction charts as well.

With the three year enquiry now over, Diana’s family have asked that her memory can finally be respected and that they be allowed to remember her passing in private and with dignity; a point they will be re-iterating at the Wembley pop concert they are organising in her memory.

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Posted: Dec 15th, 2006 by NewsBiscuit