NewsBiscuit

Tony Blair was plunged into fresh controversy today when it was alleged that he can see the answers to questions asked during his weekly PMQ’s in the House of Commons.

Tory MP for Reigate Crispin Blunt alleged that his colleagues in the Labour Party were not covering the back of their question cards properly, enabling the Prime Minister’s to read the answers between their fingers.

When asked by what amount the government’s overall tax burden would rise as a proportion of Gross Domestic Product, the PM pretended to think really hard, as if to try and remember the correct figure. But really he was trying to peek at the back of the questioner’s card. ‘Ooooh no, don’t tell me I know this one…’ he kept saying, and then suddenly got the figure exactly right.

The scandal was finally exposed when the opposition had some fake cards made up with deliberately untrue answers written on the back. The Shadow Minister for Defence stood and asked; ‘The government has indicated that Britain will continue to rely on Trident Missiles to provide Britain’s nuclear deterrent. Can the Prime Minister tell the House which other warhead delivery systems were considered?’

Tony Blair pretended to cover his eyes saying ‘Oooh let me think now, it’ll come to me…’ and finally, exactly as it said on the back of the Tory front bencher’s card, Blair answered ‘We looked at a range of nuclear missiles. The ‘waste-of-money really scary nuke’, the ‘oooh-I’m really tough bomb’, the ‘non-existent WMD fantasy missile’ and the ‘great-big-willy-obvious-penis-substitute bomb.’

The House of Commons erupted. It was immediately clear to both sides that the Prime Minister must have been cheating because in fact the government had only considered two of these.

mattdaniels

Posted: Dec 19th, 2006 by NewsBiscuit