A three day Conservative Party strategy away day has returned to Westminster with a radical new policy idea; David Cameron and his chauffer are going to swap places. Henceforth, Cameron will drive the official car; his chauffer will be on the bicycle.
Soon after he became leader, David Cameron made much of his enthusiasm for cycling, though he was criticised at the time for claiming green credentials when his bike was being followed by his official car carrying Cameron’s briefcase. The Leader of the Opposition’s enthusiasm for cycling has waned recently during the colder, wetter weather but the Conservatives were worried about further damage if the Tory leader gave up the bike altogether.
‘I can’t believe we didn’t think of this before,’ said Shadow Chancellor George Osborne. ‘Like all great policies, it’s brilliance lies in its simplicity. It’s entirely carbon-neutral; the bike is still on the road, but this will just be much, much nicer for David.’
To save on petrol and therefore help the environment, the chauffer will continue to carry David’s briefcase, official papers, change of clothes etc. However the wind turbine that Cameron had fitted to his house is to be removed. A Tory insider admitted; ‘It’s just using up too much electricity to make it go round and round.’