David Bowie has announced that he will formally step down from ‘being cool’ at his next birthday.
The Grammy-winning singer who turned sixty earlier this month, has always exuded an aura of sang-froid and mystery ever since he first burst onto the music scene 35 years ago. But the super-cool rock star says he has decided to give it another twelve months and then stop trying.
‘It’ll be nice just to wear cardigans and comfy shoes for a change,’ said Bowie. ‘I can leave the music to the young people and do a little light gardening. And I might do the RSPB Birdwatch.’
Various pop stars have officially retired from being cool at different points in their career. Mick Jagger became Sir Michael Jagger in 2003 whereas Paul McCartney had stood down decades earlier with the release of the ‘Frog Chorus’. Michael Jackson went to great lengths to lose his ‘hip black guy’ image and John Lydon had already retired from being cool long before his appearance on ‘I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!’
Pop critic Marc Bruton said Bowie’s ‘retirement’ marked a classic new change of direction for the superstar. ‘The chameleon of pop has always been a man of ch-ch-changes. Whether it was spaceman Ziggy or the mysterious Thin White Duke, the image of the androgynous rock god usually changed before you could say ‘Ground Control to Major Tom’. You mark my words, this new image could be bigger than any of them.’
However, an exasperated Bowie insisted that this wasn’t a major re-branding, he really did just want to go to the library and catch up on some books and few DVDs. ‘I still haven’t seen Ladies in Lavender,’ said rock-god Bowie. ‘It’s just too much hard work trying to be cool.’
The retirement will be marked with a farewell concert. ‘David will be playing ‘The Laughing Gnome’,’ said his record company. ‘And then Iggy Pop may turn up to join him in a tribute to Princess Diana.’