The parents of a middle-class child diagnosed as ‘dyslexic’ have been contacted by educational psychologists who have discovered that the underperforming pupil was actually just stupid as well.
Seven year old Henry Bradley from Gloucester had been doing less well than many of his classmates for some time. ‘We couldn’t understand it…’ said his mother; ‘Henry comes from a supportive home where he is encouraged with his homework and has a private tutor for his maths. Eventually we had him privately assessed, and it was a great relief to us when the experts told us that Henry was dyslexic. Suddenly it all made sense.’
However, suspecting there may more complex reasons for Henry’s underachievement, the educational psychologist booked the child in for further tests and eventually made her unprecedented discovery. ‘He’s just dim,’ said Dr Janice Trenter. ‘Someone has to be.’ Dr Trenter believes that there may be other dim middle-class children out there, but says that till now the education establishment have simply refused to accommodate the idea. ‘There are countless toys for ‘Brainy Baby’ or ‘Baby Genius’, but not a single educational story tape or play centre aimed at thick kids. Why can’t we have toys called ‘Stupid Baby’ or ‘Dim Toddler’ – it’s discrimination; pure and simple.’
However, not wishing to upset Henry’s parents Dr Trenter felt unable to tell them straight out that Henry was below average intelligence. Instead she persuaded the British Medical Association to recognise a new condition which she has coined ‘stupidia’. The local authority have now received a letter from the family’s doctor informing them of Henry’s condition and henceforth when grades are assessed the school will have to take account of Henry’s ‘stupidia’.
‘We’re delighted with this new diagnosis’ said Mrs Bradley. ‘It confirms what I have always suspected. Henry’s actually very bright. He just suffers from ‘stupidia’. It’s inherited from the parents, apparently.’