Government figures released today reveal that tens of thousands of economic migrants are flooding into Britain from Narnia. Beavers, fawns and over-allegorical lions are working long hours for low wages on building sites, in the service industries and as farm workers, causing a certain amount of resentment in some areas of the country.
Along with Rumania and Bulgaria, Narnia joined the European community on January 1st despite worries about the human rights record of the Snow Queen and an ongoing diplomatic row over the whereabouts of four British children. Romanians and Bulgarians have come in smaller numbers than anticipated and have blended into the British workforce almost un-noticed. However, thousands of Narnians arriving via a wardrobe in an unspecified English country house have not found it so easy to blend in to British society, being as they are talking mammals or mythical creatures like giants and witches. A building site manager in Ipswich said ‘We’ve got a few Narnians on the site. There’s a satyr, a stag and I think that nattering beaver is from Narnia as well. They’re good workers, but all that sixth form symbolism gets on the other lads tits from time to time…’
In Market Harborough, a group of local youths got into a fracas with a number of Narnians calling them ‘Fawnies’, pushing and shoving and saying that none of the books were as good as the first one. Eventually police had to be called after one of the locals was turned into a stone statue.
Now there are calls for limits to be put on the number of Narnian workers coming into the country. However, they have been defended by one New Labour MP who admits to employing a Narnian handyman. ‘He’s marvellous…’ said Dawn McHugh, ‘Not only does he do the gardening, decorating and odd-jobs around the house, but he also lays down his life for the children before the epic climactic battle between good and evil. Why can’t British workers do that?’