British delegates in Brussels have proposed a Pan-European language be adopted across EC along the lines of the simplified and very loud version of English that is already being widely shouted at Europeans by British tourists visiting the continent.
Proposals that French, German or Esperanto might be developed as a single Euro-language have constantly been vetoed by the British delegates who have now gone onto the offensive by proposing ‘Shouting’ as the Community’s universal language. They claim it is much easier to understand, with a simple vocabulary and few grammatical rules except that the letter ‘o’ can be added on to any English noun to make a universal European word.
For example, ‘Excuse me, please could you tell me the price of that item?’ in ‘Shouting’ would be ‘HOW MUCHO? Oi mate, HOW MUCH COSTO?’ while ‘Please may I have a beer?’ becomes ‘Oi Manuel! UNO BEERO!’’ If at first the fledgling linguist cannot grasp the basics of Shouting, the fluent speaker will simply re-iterate, but to facilitate understanding, will say it much, much louder; ‘I SAID; UNO BEERO! ARE YOU FOOKIN DEAF OR WOT?’
Extolling the versatility of the dialect, British MEP Kenneth Smithson (UKIP) explained, ‘Shouting is a genuinely international language in that it also employs words from all the major Indo-European dialects which are pretty well interchangeable at will.’ Or as he said when he used the language to propose the motion in the European Parliament, ‘WE BRITISHERS, YA? SPEAKA DA LINGO EURO, ENGLISHER FOR TOUTO EVERYONE, SI?’ Undaunted by the puzzled looks of the various nationalities, Smithson gave an exasperated sigh and started again; ‘It’s quite simple chaps. LINGO SI? PARLEZ MUCHO LOUDER YA? SHOUTY-SHOUTY, COMPRENEZ?’
Eventually a Dutch Minister interjected ‘My sincere apologies for the discourteous interruption, but we’re rather struggling to comprehend your vernacular. I don’t suppose you speak English by any chance do you?’