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Scooby Doo kids ‘beat suspects into confession’

The crime fighting kids made famous by the Scooby Doo TV series secured false confessions through violence and intimidation according to new papers released this week.

The claim has been made by lawyers working for the acquittal of the so-called ‘Scooby Doo 86’, the large number of ageing prisoners in jail since the 1970s who all claim they were framed by the ‘meddling kids and their dog’. They point to strikingly similar patterns in each account of their bizarre and convoluted crimes, and the fact that the only stranger the kids ever met was always the person whom they fingered at the end.

‘On screen the kids from Mystery Inc. appeared to be likeable and humorous teenagers with a strong sense of right and wrong, prepared to enter scary situations to do their bit to fight crime’ said Mike McLone, a human rights lawyer working for the campaigning prisoners. ‘In reality, Freddie and Shaggy regularly beat innocent suspects into a pulp behind the scenes, then got them to make on-screen confessions having dressed them up in a ghost costume with a removable head.’

‘All the ghostly paraphernalia supposedly employed by the master criminals to scare people away from their lair; it was all set up by these desperate attention-seeking kids,’ he added. The tactics, if true, were certainly successful, with Fred, Daphne, Velma, Shaggy and Scooby becoming household names for their astonishingly successfully run at exposing elaborate and bizarre crimes. ‘Think about it? Not once did it turn out that nothing suspicious was happening. Hundreds of innocent old men looking after slightly spooky buildings were convicted of invented crimes, just so these kids could reap all the glory.’

The kids from Mystery Inc. stepped down from crime fighting some years ago, although no official explanation was ever given for their sudden retirement. In an official statement, their lawyers said that ‘these accusations are um, being invented by Old Man Johnson, who is er, using the legend of the headless horseman to scare folks away from the disused goldmine. Yeah.’ However they refused to comment on allegations that Fred always sent Shaggy and Velma in the opposite direction because he was knocking off Daphne in the Mystery Machine.

Scooby was put to sleep when he became incontinent in 1991. Shaggy was busted for drug possession in 1998, while Velma now lives her lesbian partner in Canada.

26th February 2007

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Posted: Feb 26th, 2007 by NewsBiscuit

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