Windmills are ‘scars on Dutch landscape’

Environmentalists in Holland are calling for the demolition of the country’s famous windmills which they describe as ‘hideous eyesores that ruin the featureless Dutch countryside.’

‘They are nothing more than useless scars on our landscape’ said Jap Kroon of the National Dykeside Clearance Society, Landelijkdijkswegopklarenvereniging. ‘They should never have got planning permission, but the Netherlands were under the rule of Spain, and then Napoleon, and somehow they were just nodded through.

Originally used for land drainage, the windmills have long been replaced by electric pumping stations. ‘None of these eyesores has served any practical purpose for decades and it’s high time they were removed so that we can enjoy the endless, flat, bleak, rather uninteresting horizon as nature intended,’ said Jap Kroon. ‘They don’t generate any money, in fact quite a a considerable amount of money is spent keeping these hideous buildings standing.’

However Holland’s environmental lobby is after divided animal lovers prevented the demolition of a windmill which was home to an endangered species. Since it was discovered that a mouse lived in a windmill in old Amsterdam, no windmill may now be demolished until it has been monitored for the sound of the rare ‘clog wearing mouse’ going ‘clip-clippity clop’ on the stair.

Meanwhile in Britain the row over windfarms is finally over. A compromise has been reached that will pacify rural conservationists while still using windfarms to generate electricity. All the new wind turbines will be pulled down and burnt in power stations.