British politicians were said to be upset and angry after a caller to a late-night radio phone-in programme described them as ‘all as bad as each other.’ The damning judgement came in a call from night-watchman and security guard Bob Collier, who added ‘quite frankly I’m fed up with the whole blinkin’ lot of them if you get my meaning.’
As news of the searing critique swept through the House of Commons, tearful MPs came out of their offices seeking comfort; Labour and Conservatives hugging one another in the corridors, sharing hankies and exchanging a few re-assuring words that might begin to rebuild their shattered confidence.
Radio phone-in regular Bob Collier was unrepentant; ‘One lot says one thing, and then the other lot says something else, I mean, why can’t they just get together and sort it all out?’ The invective was more than members of Parliament could bear, as the Speaker reported to the P.M. that they were facing mass resignations at Westminster. M.P.s simply decided there was no point in carrying on following the damning analysis that had been broadcast live on LBC.
‘It’s just not fair…’ wept veteran Liberal Democrat Menzies Campbell; ‘After all the hours we have put in, the weekend surgeries, the late-night debates, sorting out constituent problems, sitting on committees, scrutinizing legislation, writing letters… and now then a member of the public calls us “a bloomin waste of space…” I can’t go on.’
After group counselling sessions from motivation and self-confidence coaches, the Members of Parliament finally decided to hit back at their fiercest critic. This afternoon MPs debated an emergency motion entitled ‘Is Bob Collier a crap security guard or what?’ Unfortunately the debate rapidly descended into petty political point scoring, with MPs failing to get together and sort it all out and generally demonstrating that they are in fact, all as bad as each other.