Devil taunts Jesus over second coming


The son of God has been sensationally called a coward and a has-been by long feted title contender the Devil.

At a press conference the Antichrist, flanked by promoter Don King, said ‘Talk is cheap. The church has been going on about a so-called comeback for centuries. I’m ready and waiting when he does. It’s all very well making one appearance and bringing out a book then retiring on the profits. He ain’t proved nothin’ yet. I am the number one challenger in every version of scripture. He had better man up and come out for a fight.’

Lucifer, who referred to Jesus Christ as ‘the daughter of God’ throughout the press conference, denied that it was nothing more than a cheap publicity stunt after recent dips in his popularity.

The Pope said that he refused to be intimidated by the Devil, claiming that his boy was ‘scared of nobody’ and he ‘will appear in his own good time.’ Dates for the potential showdown of showdowns have allegedly been discussed by HBO and King with an outdoor Arena in America being the favoured choice. It is thought unlikely that the forces of good would wish to let the Devil have home advantage for such a crucial match that will affect the destiny of all humanity.

Public reaction was mixed with bookmakers reporting a flow of money on a victory for good. ‘I think good will ultimately prevail over evil.’ said one punter emerging from Ladbrokes in Balham High Road. ‘Towards the end it will look as if evil has triumphed, as if everything is lost for evermore and that the Devil will condemn mankind to eternal suffering and hellfire. But then it will turn out that Jesus has not been vanquished after all, he will suddenly come back from the abyss and deliver the knockout blow that will bring all God’s children into the kingdom of Heaven. But just to play safe I put a tenner on Old Nick as well.’

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Posted: Apr 21st, 2007 by

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