The Worldwide Fund for Nature have declared that they no longer going to attempt to prevent the extinction of any animals that aren’t cute and cuddly, because all campaigns around such creatures have so far failed to raise more than a few quid.
Recent publicity about the fate of the endangered Spindly Lobster, the rare African Slime Toad and the venomous Goliath Millipede all failed to capture the public imagination, except for persistent blogging from one backpacker who’d been stung by the giant millipede in Madagascar and urged others to help ensure that ‘these vicious bastards become extinct as soon as possible.’ Attempts to photograph the Spindly Lobster on a Mediterranean beach with some concerned looking British children on holiday backfired when they all screamed and ran away the moment the lobster was produced. The African Slime Toad may already be extinct although it is hard to know for sure, as the gap year students who were supposed to search for it refused to go anywhere near its likely habitat.
‘It’s just a new factor in the complex history of evolution,’ explained Phil Secker of the RSPCPA ‘For millennia what counted was a species’ ability to adapt to its environment, to escape predators, to reproduce in sufficient numbers. But now the most important thing for a species to survive is being furry and having big brown eyes’ said the spokesman from the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Pretty Animals. The renaming of the charity comes after an RSPCA advert showing Canadian seal clubbers on a beach killing a fiddler crab failed to prompt a single response.
Meanwhile the WWF are dropping campaigns on behalf of the Great White Shark, the Long-eared Bat and all insects and crustaceans.
‘From now on we are going to concentrate on Koala Bears, Giant Pandas and Labrador puppies, which aren’t actually endangered at all, but are much more likely to bring in the cash.’