Man sues events company for ‘making dreams come true’

A Lancashire man today launched a civil action against a leading events organizing firm for bringing his dreams to reality. Derek Jones, a retired council worker from Stockport, parted with almost GBP10,000 in response to an advert placed by Events R Us Ltd promising to make his ‘dreams come true’. ‘Before I knew it’, explained Derek, ‘I was taken to a maths exam 15 minutes after it had started, was not provided with a pen or calculator, and looked up to see that Jimmy Savile was the invigilator.’

A spokesman for Events R Us Ltd blamed consumers for failing to take the claim seriously enough. ‘We have invested significant sums of money into developing software that analyses peoples’ sleeping thoughts and we pride ourselves in bringing these dreams to reality. We’ve arranged for people to run through tar, find themselves in the shopping centre naked apart from a small vest, and hover dangerously towards the edge of a cliff before being blown off by a gust of wind. If people don’t like the service we provide, then they’re free to stick to reality.’

Other customers hit back at the company and accused them of being discriminatory in the dreams they choose, and only selecting those which are easy to bring about. ‘I went to the centre for an assessment, and vividly remember having a dream about being in a bouncy castle with Pamela Anderson,’ explained Dave Smith. ‘Moments before I woke, however, I dreamt that I was then taken to a small cave full of spiders that was slowly filling with water. You can imagine which dream they arranged for me. The whole thing is a rip-off.’

When asked to comment as to whether charges could be brought against the company, the Director of Public Prosecutions was not available for comment as he was at an organized event at which a lot of Brazilian lady-boys genuinely thought he was a woman, just because he was wearing a frumpy dress, blonde wig and badly applied make-up.

markxsmith

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