Lotto scandal as model citizen scoops jackpot


Lottery organiser Camelot has apologised after Saturday’s huge jackpot was scooped by a church-going civil servant with no criminal convictions.

‘We simply can’t understand it,’ said Camelot’s chief executive. ‘The really big prizes usually go to an ex-con, drug dealer or at the very least, a convicted football hooligan.’ Gordon Cruickshank from Bournemouth scooped the GBP5.8 million prize after matching six numbers and the bonus ball in yesterday’s superdraw. However, a detailed investigation into Mr Cruickshank’s personal history has failed to uncover a single digression, not even a parking fine.

‘I stole a jelly baby from Woolworth’s Pick’n’Mix counter when I was seven,’ claimed Mr Cruickshank who is known to many in the local community as ‘Gordon the god-botherer’. ‘And when I was twelve I knocked on my neighbour’s door and ran away, so I’m not as squeaky clean as people think.’

However lottery bosses have so far failed to substantiate these claims and Camelot are now under pressure to annul the draw and reclaim the cash. The lottery regulator has also promised its own investigation.: ‘It doesn’t seem fair to all the low-life losers who put their stolen, extorted or laundered cash into the lottery every week hoping for a big payout,’ commented one insider. ‘This guy hasn’t even got an ASBO for God’s sake.’

Despite this bizarre turn of events there was more encouraging new for Camelot. Reports this morning suggest that a crack dealing pimp from Grimsby has bagged GBP250,000 on a scratch card.


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Posted: Apr 29th, 2007 by

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