Homosexual turns straight after ‘good talking to’ from father


A young man has publicly announced his intention to become heterosexual despite having been openly gay for several years. Adam Denver said the decision came after a ‘serious bit of lecturing’ from his father. ‘He just sat me down and gave it to me straight. ‘No-one likes a poof, son,’ he told me,’ recounted Adam. ‘Once he put it like that, I suddenly saw the light.’

As part of his ‘good talking to’, Adam’s father spoke of his son’s ‘funny ways’ having gone well beyond a ‘bit of camp’ and how his ‘unnatural habits’ were now causing considerable embarrassment in the neighbourhood. ‘God knows, I’ve been a broad-minded parent, Adam,’ he said, ‘but there has to be a limit. It’s all very well you kissing your boyfriend goodnight at the front gate, but I can’t go on telling the neighbours he’s a French exchange student and that’s how they say goodbye on the continent. Dammit, you’re 25 years old.’

In an impassioned plea for common sense to prevail, the father continued: ‘Look here old boy, I WAS in the army don’t forget – we had woopsies there too, you know. We just dealt with them the army way and kicked their heads in. But I’m your father and it’s breaking my heart to see you turning into a bloody poofter!’

Adam said that a simple bit of straight-talking from his old Dad had completely cured him of any genetic predisposition to homosexuality and insists that his decision to go straight will stick. ‘I’ve already bagged-up all my gay paraphernalia and I’m dropping the whole lot off at Age Concern this week. I’m taking an interest in military history and the ‘Will and Grace’ box set is going on e-Bay this afternoon. Fair play, though – as part of the deal, Dad’s agreed it’s time he gave up wearing Mum’s old dresses.’

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Posted: May 4th, 2007 by

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