Northern Ireland awoke to a new era of peace this morning thanks to the latest digital imaging techniques.
Utilising the latest Photoshop software, Tony Blair and Irish Premier Bertie Ahern toiled into the early hours, cutting and pasting images of DUP and Sinn Fein members together to create a new power-sharing assembly at Stormont.
‘Gosh,’ admitted a bleary eyed Mr Blair, ‘It’s been a lot of hard work, but the results speak for themselves.’ Mr Blair added, ‘Photoshop allows us to give the impression that these guys are all in the same room at the same time, and getting on like a house of fire. Of course if they were all in the room at the same time then the House probably would be on fire, and we’d all be running for cover.
In one image DUP leader and new First Minster Dr Ian Paisley is seen grinning and doing bunny ears behind the head of Sinn Fein’s Martin McGuiness. In another photo, Sinn Fein President Gerry Adams, is seen gazing up adoringly at Mr Paisley, who is also pictured leading a conga-line of nationalist and republican MP’s across the floor of the House.
Mr Ahern, who got the software free with a laptop given to him at Christmas said: ‘The hardest bit was to avoid goofy stuff like putting Ian’s head on a naked woman’s body, and finding a half-decent picture of Martin was a nightmare. We asked McGuiness if he had ever organized his own shoot and he went a bit red All we said was ‘We need to blow up Ian Paisley’s head’ and he mumbled something about ‘knowing some boys down in Fermanagh’.
The benefits of using photo software to aid the peace process were first discovered when Loyalist Michael Stone attempted to break into Stormont in November armed with a gun and a knife. Clever use of digital technology managed to show Stone brandishing a large bunch of flowers and a threatening a security guard with a box of Black Magic.
Mr Blair today had nothing but praise for Adobe Photoshop suggesting that the possibilities it offered were almost limitless. However Adobe later issued a statement saying that any attempts to put a picture of Gordon Brown smiling besides Tony Blair might cause the software to crash resulting in permanent damage to the computer.
darkbill (pics by red)