A bonnet head shark at an aquarium in Nebraska has had a virgin birth sending shock waves round the world, and prompting a massive Christian revival across much of the United States.
In Rome, the Vatican has called an immediate conference of cardinals to consider the theological implications. A team of scholars is understood to be poring over precedents for beatification and canonization of sharks. In Costa Rica, a woman has claimed to have seen a vision of the ‘holy mother shark’ in her son’s fish tank. Long queues of pilgrims have formed outside her tiny house, and local priests have been called in to examine a small swordtail guppy, which is astonished by the attention and is now hiding under its little bridge.
In the United States, reports are already coming in from several areas of the mid-West that new shark based religions are already being founded. ‘For two thousand years we have been waiting for the second coming’ Said Reverend Luther James. ‘We just always presumed he would come in human form; no-one predicted a large carnivorous fish.’
The traditional Christian symbol of the cross is being joined by the ‘Sign of the Pointy Fin’ and a debate has ensued whether the eating of Eucharist wafers should be followed by the symbolic nibbling of Australian surfers.
But traditionalists are divided as to whether sharks can now be ordained as priests. ‘We don’t mind having hammerheads and great whites in the church…’ said one Bishop. ‘But gay sharks would be going too far.’