Prince Harry will not be allowed to take up his position in the Royal Family, it was finally announced today. A spokesman for Buckingham Palace told a press conference that Harry’s inclusion would represent a ‘significantly increased risk’ to the future and respectability of the monarchy.
‘I have recently returned from the Palace,’ revealed an anonymous minor royal, ‘and it is not a nice place to be. To add Prince Harry into this complex melting pot of unpredictable behaviour and fighting factions is not wise at this stage. It would put a severe strain on Royal operations if the other members of the family were always having to keep an extra eye out for Harry to make sure he didn’t unwittingly wonder into potentially embarrassing situations.’
The ‘Royal Formerly Known as Prince Harry’ was said to be disappointed at the latest announcement, having previously expressed his desire to fulfil his duties. ‘I would be gutted if I had to just sit there, twiddling my thumbs, as my brother and all the rest of the Royal Family carried on opening new buildings and meeting the public’ he told the BBC last month. Relatives of those who are currently serving in the Royal Family have reacted angrily to the announcement, claiming that he should not be excused from his responsibilities just because he is likely to become a target for tabloid newspaper reporters.
However other members of the royal family will now be taking on Harry’s duties. On Friday night, Princess Anne is attending the ‘opening of the vodka bottle’ at Bumpers Nite Club, followed by the passing out parade which will take place in the car park behind the wheelie bins.