Search engine launches ‘Google Gossip’

The world’s leading internet company today announced plans to provide a new search tool that would provide unsubstantiated gossip. By scanning private emails, personal documents in home PCs and group weblogs and chatrooms, Google hopes to provide a wealth of new information to the average computer user which, though not necessarily true, would at least be quite interesting.
‘We’re bringing the search engine closer to the real interests of the bored office worker’ said a Google insider. ‘By entering the name of work colleagues, you will be able to read all the gossip, rumour and innuendo that other computer users have written about them, no matter where.’

With the new search tool, browsers will be able to enter something like: ‘Did Mary Conneely from personnel, actually pay £79.99 for those bloody shoes she thinks are so great?’ which will produce responses such as ‘She must have won them in a raffle; she can’t afford 80 quid, what with those four little bastards of hers running around on the edge of an Asbo…’ or ‘I heard she spotted them in the Sue Ryder shop, where they were only £2 but she still nicked them anyway.’

There will also be a Photoshop facility, allowing users to invent actual photographic evidence of work colleagues having sex in the stationary cupboard or stealing from petty cash. ‘It’s all just a bit of fun’ said the creators of Google Gossip, in response to allegations that a number of people have already lost their jobs and become separated from their partners.

They also explained that the victims of gossip who wish to put the record straight will have the opportunity to create their own home page on which they can present themselves in a more positive light, detailing all their qualifications, their work for charity and listing all the positive things that various people have said about them. So far not a single user looked at these pages.