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Confectioners to introduce ‘Hate Hearts’

The manufacturers of Love Hearts are launching a new range of sweets aimed at less successful relationships.

The new ‘Hate Hearts’ will follow closely the tried and tested ‘Love Hearts’ formula, but will give couples a chance to say what they feel about each other after they’ve got married and tried living together for a while.

A spokesman for sweet manufacturors Swizzlers Matlow said ‘our research found that our cute messages appealed to young couples who were just falling in love, but we have to accept that more and more relationships are ending in acrimony and bitter resentment. These people simply had no fizzy tasting fruit sweets with which to express themselves.’

To begin with, there will be a general range of confectionary bearing slogans such as ‘pillock’, ‘twat’ and ‘minger’. If they prove successful, more niche products will be introduced. These include packets for the recently divorced; ‘House is Mine’, ‘You Snore’, ‘Hate Your Mother’; A ‘day after the office party’ range will include; ‘You’re Easy’, ‘Arse Copier’ and ‘You’re Fired’.
‘We believe it will be a winner. You can communicate the utter contempt with which you hold someone, while simultaneously rotting their teeth’.

Traditional favourite flavours such as citrus and strawberry, will be joined by new tangy tastes of ‘shower mould’ and ‘petrol’.

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Posted: May 26th, 2007 by The Hit Squad

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