The premier league is bracing itself for a new flood of overseas imports after FIFA agreed to the free transfer of foreign abverbs.
A football agent explained: ‘There is a massive shortage of adverbs in the English game, as they all seem to go off to poncy sports like cricket and tennis. In football English words have always performed nice and bright and I think they done great up to now, even if it’s been a big ask to play adjectives and nouns out of position.’
Newcastle manager Sam Allardyce, who has already made a number of signings from Paris Saint Germain, said: ‘We have waited ‘nerveusement’ to see how the new boys would fit in. At the start, when they was tackled from behind by a big English preposition they tended to react a bit ‘furioso’. However once they got going they fitted in ‘bene’ and played very ‘atemberaubend’ compared to the English lads who also done great. I mean done ‘buono.’
English players meanwhile are attempting to improve their grasp of continental languages. After a season of Italian lessons, many of them have already mastered the word ‘pizza’.