The Department of Education has announced that it is widening the National Curriculum to include lessons in the Bleedin’ Obvious. Research has shown that much of Britain’s workforce is under-educated in this area, and continues to fall for email scams, Readers Digest appeals and offers of extended warranties.
‘In the modern global economy Britain’s workforce needs to be highly skilled and educated,’ said Junior Education Minister Sarah Beaumont. ‘Frankly if we’ve still got people thinking that they really are the millionth visitor to a certain website, then there really isn’t much hope for any of us.’
Lessons in the Bleedin’ Obvious will also explain that being rude to a policeman who has pulled you over for a driving offence will not result in a quick resolution of the matter or smaller fine nor is it generally making worth making jokes about bombs and terrorism to airport security staff.
Pupils will also be taught that if they get seriously into debt with the bank, then paying it off by borrowing lots of money from that dodgy bloke on the estate may not be the end of all their problems. Another lesson includes learning what happens if you try and clear the compacted grass cuttings off the lawn mower blade while it is still connected to the mains.
‘It’s great to get proper training in the Bleedin’ Obvious before we head out to the workplace’ said 16-year-old Simon Jonson. ‘I’ve seen a really well paid job I want to apply for that will let me work from home. It was advertised on a bit of paper tied onto a lamp post so it must be from a really reputable source.’