The kids with ‘own brand’ trainers – where are they now?

A new study has charted the drastic downturns in social status suffered by ‘own-brand’ wearing children, who were left standing by their high-flying fashion brand-wearing peers. The study, started in 1981 by the Institute for Social Exclusion in Newcastle, has followed the progression of children from similar backgrounds, and socio-economic groups.

Some of those that took part in the experiment recalled their experiences. Successful surgeon Jonathan Cooper remembered how he shunned a friend who turned up with an extra stripe on his trainers, ‘I remember the day that William first appeared with the Woollies trainers, ‘Winfield four-strip’ we used to call them. We all had the latest Adidas Samba and mocked him mercilessly. I caught him in the locker-room cutting the fourth stripe off, he’d written ‘Addis Ababar’ on them with a felt tip pen, but it was too late the damage was done.’

Unemployed William Cantwell explained ‘I begged Mum not to make me wear them, but she wouldn’t listen. ‘Just as good as proper ones and half the price too,’ she would say, don’t get me wrong, I love my parents very much, they gave me a great upbringing, we never really wanted for anything, except of course proper brands.. I’ve been finding things tough recently, with no job, girlfriend or future. I never went to university and I’ve not been able to find work. Ironically I was offered a job at the Nike store. but I just couldn’t bring myself to face the swoosh everyday.’

Professor John Macey, who led the research, said, ‘William’s story is typical of other ‘own-brand orphans’ that the study found, the pattern is repeated time and time again, whilst the parents thought that they were being thrifty they had no consideration on the psychological impact that peer pressure has on children. I myself, remember beating up a schoolmate with my proper Dr Marten’s boots and not his crappy Asda copies. What did they save in the end? Two to three pounds? What’s the cost now? Downtrodden losers with shattered dreams and broken lives.’
Before jetting off to the Antilles, for a deserved break, Mr Cooper revealed that William had started off the much brighter kid at school, ‘he was always pretty cool too and could’ve had a great future, but those trainers just changed things, suddenly the rest of us noticed his acne and that little bit of weight he was carrying. Mind you, I don’t think the time his mum gave him some broken spaghetti, a cup-a-soup and an old yoghurt pot then told him it was a Pot Noodle helped, either.’

Team Biscuit

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