NewsBiscuit

A forty six year old golfer from Cheshire has been banned from his local club for being insufficiently dull and opinionated and failing to ‘bore people rigid’ with clubhouse banter and tedious analysis of his game.

Tom Waddilove, a small business owner from Northwich, was warned about his conduct by his local club after fellow members complained about his unconventional behaviour. ‘I can’t understand it’ said Mr Waddilove, ‘They told me there had been complaints that I had failed to discuss every shot in great detail. They would have to review my membership unless I became significantly more tiresome.’ Mr Waddilove also failed to display a casual mistrust of ethnic minorities and during a conversation about the Third Reich, missed several opportunities to suggest that the Jews had in fact been very dominant in Weimar Germany.

Peter Herbert, secretary of the local golf club said: ‘We’ve worked hard to build our reputation as a sport for dull middle-class bigots and as such we expect all golfers to maintain the tradition. This means boring family and work colleagues with references to your game followed by a string of incorrect statistics about asylum seekers.’

Mr Waddilove said he is hoping to join another club, but has so far been unsuccessful. As one local golf-club chairman said ‘He had no pale blue jumper with diamond pattern. He had no crimpolene tartan trousers. He looked ridiculous!’

Squonk

Posted: Jun 23rd, 2007 by NewsBiscuit