England’s indigenous red squirrel population is planning to break out from its Isle of Wight hold-out in a last ditch attempt to reclaim it’s historic homeland from the occupying forces of greys.
Since the beginning of the last century when the first American grey squirrels escaped from captivity and began breeding in the wild, Britain’s red squirrel population has been pushed out by its stronger, disease-resistant cousin.
Red Squirrels are now almost completely extinct in England, barring a few isolated off-shore colonies in islands such as Anglesey and the Isle of Man. But finally the red squirrels are leading a fight back. Rodent intelligence sources suggest they are planning a three pronged attack on the British mainland, eventually linking up with reds in the Scottish highlands, then to march south and confront the grey squirrels in large numbers.
However the invasion plans have met with the early hitch in that the Isle of Wight squirrels are unable to cross the Solent, and the reds have now appealed to Britain’s human population to supply little boats and acorn-sized grenades.
The squirrels are particularly hoping for support from their human ‘ginger brothers’ who ‘know all about persecution’ to join their ranks for the big counter-offensive. However, the British government seems unwilling to become dragged into another messy sectarian war, particularly against American squirrels. ‘If they were Islamic squirrels, it might be different.’