A major breach of etiquette occurred at Buckingham Palace yesterday when Gordon Brown misunderstood the traditional offer of a monarch’s hand for her new first minister to kneel and kiss.
‘It was very embarrassing’ said a Palace insider. ‘She offered her hand to kiss and Mr Brown must have thought she was coming on to him. He then launched a sort of Tom and Jerry kissing her-all-up-her-arm thing and then he just locked his lips onto hers.’
According to the source, the Queen emerged from the tongue-ing session looking surprised and a little flushed, although having regained her composure she then asked two Royal footmen to leave them alone for a few minutes. ‘She always said Mr Brown was rather handsome, but none of us expected this.’
Downing Street were quick to play down the rumours that the kiss was beyond what might be expected. ‘Reports that the new Prime Minister got his hand ‘upstairs inside’ are grossly exaggerated. It was definitely ‘outside’ and the breast squeeze was a very brief one. Gordon Brown has always been a modernizer, and the quaint old custom of a light peck on the back of the monarch’s hand badly needed bringing into line with the petting experiences of today’s teenagers.’
The Queen seemed to have a marked spring in her step when she appeared at another function later in the day, although it was noticed that she had a large love bite on her neck.