A Milton Keynes man was left shocked and dismayed yesterday afternoon when a swimming pool full of teenagers failed to produce a single joke or derogatory remark about his excessive weight.
Mr David Blunden had been warned that he was ‘dangerously overweight’ and could be classed as ‘obese’ and so had gone to the Plaza pool fully expecting to be taunted from the very moment he put on his XXXL trunks.
But although it was the school holidays and the pool was full of teenagers, the adolescents seemed unconcerned by the enormous rolls of bare flesh hanging over Mr Blunden’s trunks as he paraded up and down the side of the pool.
‘Fair play to him’ said Candice aged 15. ‘We just presumed he must have some sort of dietary or thyroid disorder, but respected him as he was endeavouring to do something about it.’
‘Exactly…’ agreed her friend Chantelle. ‘And what business is it of ours if an outsize man wants to go swimming? These are public baths open to all, and he has as much right to use them as anyone.’
A stunned Mr Blunden was reported to be shocked and disappointed that not a single joke was made about his weight, shape, stature or any other physical characteristic; ‘I did my best. I wore tiny speedos to show off the maximum amount of flesh; I went in the fast lane to try and encourage sniggers and shouts of ‘Whale Ahoy!’ and even went up to the top diving board only to discover a group of respectful 14 year old girls, calmly allowing me to take my time while awaiting their turn. The idea that I might empty the pool by simply jumping into it wasn’t even mentioned.’
Fortunately Mr Blunden had the good luck to bump into his GP while he getting out of the pool. ‘Urgh… it’s disgusting!’ said his doctor. ‘People who are that fat shouldn’t be allowed out of their house, except to be put in prison. Except you’d never get him through the gates – the big fat lardy-pants!