NewsBiscuit

The moral integrity of soft drink giant Schweppes was called into question today after it emerged that Dr Pepper is not a real doctor, has never been to medical school or received any form of health training, and has been using the title under false pretences.

Industry experts described the news as ‘a likely body blow’ and ‘a public relations catastrophe’, claiming that Dr Pepper’s public image might never recover from the deception; ‘They probably thought that naming a soft drink after a doctor would be a sensible move, giving an impression of health and reliability,’ said Mike Blakemore, editor of the soft drinks industry magazine ‘Fizz!’ ‘But our investigations have shown that Dr Pepper has no connection with health care and is not qualified to dispense medicine or cure people.

The scandal eventually came to light when Dr Pepper began to receive a number of calls from an elderly lady who had got their number from the telephone directory. ‘She wanted an appointment about her hip. She said the replacement wasn’t working properly. We kept explaining that there was no ‘Doctor Pepper’ as such, but she wouldn’t have it.’

Mike Blakemore claims that the erstwhile ‘doctor’, who currently resides in Plano, Texas, could be threatened with legal action by the American Medical Association (AMA) for ‘impersonating a trained medical profession for the purposes of personal gain’ and risked an unlimited fine and even a jail sentence.

‘We never claimed to be anything other than a fizzy drink’ said an exasperated spokesman for Dr Pepper. ‘It’s just this nutty old woman who keeps ringing us and this rubbish industry mag that thinks it has a story.’ However Schweppes refused to deny they were developing plans for a re-launch under the new brand name ‘Mr Pepper’.

Industry experts predicted that the shocking news would provoke a bout of soul-searching among corporations and their supposedly qualified front-men. Reports last night suggested that KFC mascot Colonel Sanders may have failed his exams at West Point military academy and that General Accident had never even been in the army. In a separate development Coke has insisted it will not be changing its name despite a number of complaints from customers in the music industry.

NewsBiscuit

Posted: Aug 22nd, 2007 by NewsBiscuit