Hackney Technology College is issuing a recall notice following the discovery that several thousand dangerous pupils have been released from the school. Head teacher Marlon Samuels explained: ‘It has been brought to our attention that a large number of students with sharp metal objects have left the comprehensive. Any children playing with these pupils may be at risk of injury.’
A further batch of former pupils from the Science and Technology class is also being recalled. Their teacher explained: ‘These pupils are lacking in any qualifications and are likely to become disenfranchised from mainstream society, turning to a life of crime and drug abuse.’ Members of the public have been given a list of identifying features of the faulty batch of former-pupils; hooded tops, membership of street gangs and a distinct absence of gymkhana rosettes or Duke of Edinburgh awards. The school has told parents that they may come in to the school and choose to take home an alternative pupil.
School governors apologised for releasing dangerous children into the local community, but explained that they had a problem with their suppliers. An internal investigation has revealed that these children were often the unwanted product of young inexperienced parents. ‘In fact; most of them were born when their mothers were still at this school.’