Terrorist organisation al-Qaeda has entered the home entertainment market today by releasing a DVD compilation of out-takes from their various videos. The DVD features terrorist leader Osama bin Laden and his sidekick Ayman al-Zawahiri engaging in several hilarious incidents, including messing up their lines, forgetting which countries they were supposed to be threatening, and Bin Laden slipping up and falling painfully on his backside as he walked pensively down an Afghan mountainside.
The DVD, which was hand-delivered to an al-Jazeera journalist in Kandahar and posted to several branches of Blockbuster Video throughout the UK and the US, is tipped to be a huge hit in the West despite the Bush administration slamming the tape it as ‘unfunny and of poor technical quality’.
Craig Elsandreth, Development Director at the Global Security Institute, admitted they had not expected this step from the global terror network. ‘One minute they’re ranting about establishing an Islamic caliphate across the world and destroying the infidels with fire and explosions, and the next they’re releasing a DVD of some terrorist firing an RPG off a mountain and being knocked flat on his back by the recoil, much to the amusement of his comrades behind the camera.’
Security experts were said to be ‘particularly interested’ in one scene which shows Bin Laden choosing which detachable beard to wear before arguing with the make-up girl about whether he should wear mascara or not. There are also suspicions that some of the last few clips were contrived to pad the tape out a bit. ‘The one in which Bin Laden is walking past the swimming pool and ‘accidentally’ falls in is transparent. Why does his route take him into the path of the carelessly abandoned skateboard?’
The White House was swift to denounce the DVD, stating that ‘this kind of manipulative propaganda will never work on the American people’. However George Bush found reporters starting to laugh as he said, ‘We are on the verge of finding Bin Laden.’ The embarrassing footage continued when the President declared, ‘We are winning the war on terror.’ ‘That’s definitely one for the Christmas tape!’ laughed one Washington correspondent.