Tesco today launched a new range of ‘pre-chewed’ ready meals to save time for busy commuters. The new range called ‘Easy Eats’ have been partially chewed by carefully chosen groups, including environmentally-aware Amazonian Indians.
‘We all know it is important to eat fresh food, but that can involve a lot of time-consuming mastication,’ explained spokesperson James Blanche. “Our new range allows busy commuters to get all the nutrients, while reducing their ‘chewtime’.
‘We choose our pre-chewers from endangered indigenous groups, who also add a certain exotic flavour to the meals.’ he added. As well as the Amazon ‘IndoSoftSteak’, the range includes seafood half eaten by Alaskan Inuits, and root vegetables semi-masticated by French peasant farmers – ‘with just a hint of garlic-breath’.
The new range was launched at a glitzy ceremony on London’s Oxford Street attended by several of the Amazonian pre-chewers in traditional dress, who demonstrated their special skills and offered taste tests to members of the public.
Blanche said if the new line is a success, the company is considering branching out into hard-to-chew deserts, such as rock cakes and toffees. ‘Given the time pressures many city residents face, we see ready meals as a growth market.’ However, the supermarket is recalling one batch of pre-chewed Thai chicken satay for one. ‘All we can say in our defence is that we didn’t know the chewer had herpes when the batch left our depot.’