New Sat Navs to feature ‘Tourette’s setting’


The latest satellite navigation systems to hit the market comes with a range of specialized new settings include ‘Tourette’s Syndrome Mode’ for drivers who are not afraid to have their GPS tell it like it is.

The new generation of in-car navigation computers was unveiled by Jeremy Clarkson on Top Gear. Complaints jammed the BBC switchboard after the machine informed the presenter ‘Your final destination is two hundred yards on the left. Now go fuck yourself!’ The rest of the programme was ruined by random shouts of ‘Clarkson, you wanker!’ although it turned out these were not coming from the GPS but one of the cameramen making the most of the opportunity.

If you miss a turning the machine will groan and declare that ‘you are ‘thick as shit and a fucking useless driver.’ But the latest GPS system can do more than just find the optimum route for drivers. Even when the car is parked it will shout out unexpected obscenities at passers-by. One beat policeman was confused to hear an empty car shout at him ‘Oi copper, take that tit off your head you big nosed twat’.

The specialized GPS features many other settings including ‘Nervous Wife Mode’, which turns the map upside down to work out which way is left, says ‘That might have been it back there’ and then bursts into tears saying ‘Don’t shout at me, I’m doing my best.’ There is also ‘Backseat Driver Mode’ which says ‘If I had wanted to go this fast I would have walked’ and ‘Concentrate on the road and stop looking at the nannies’.

However police have called for the new Sat Navs to be withdrawn because of a controversial setting called ‘Ram Raider’. Apparently a number of drivers using this setting have followed the instructions of their machines and driven their vehicles at high speed into the windows of Dixons.


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Posted: Sep 4th, 2007 by

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