NewsBiscuit

Tracey Owusu, a 33-year-old call centre worker has been excitedly telling workmates about her impending engagement. She is convinced that boyfriend of two months, Jim, popped the question by breaking wind in bed, whilst lying next to her during Match of the Day 2.

The glowing bride to be claimed ‘it means that he’s ready to take things to the next level. I have to admit that I couldn’t believe it at first when he let off, but slowly the shock gave way to a euphoria… He’s so comfortable around me that he’s given up trying to impress; marriage and kids are the next logical step.’

Jim was initially unaware of his impending change from single lad-about-town to Tracey’s fiancé, finding mocking congratulatory texts from his mates confusing. The true horror of the confusion soon came to light when he bumped into Tracey’s father, a former boxer and debt collector, who proudly welcomed him to the family.

Realising that the next hundred or so weekends will be spent on a death row tour of wedding fayres, nodding resignedly to other male victims in passing, has hit Jim hard.

‘I wasn’t aware of the subtleties of modern etiquette. But apparently there is no way out.’ The irony is that after several years of marriage Jim’s constant farting in bed will be cited grounds for their eventual divorce.

Team Biscuit

Posted: Sep 8th, 2007 by NewsBiscuit