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Ryanair to charge for ‘emotional baggage’

Cut price airline Ryanair is introducing charges for customers who travel with too much emotional baggage. The announcement was made in an attempt to avoid delays caused by family arguments at check-in and boarding. Henceforth Ryanair will have a strict rule of ‘one simple divorce case per passenger’.

One regular flyer turned up at Stansted yesterday with her grown-up son from her first marriage who was still not talking to her second husband. ‘The check-in lady asked me a series of questions about the divorce and all the suppressed anger and guilt felt by the kids, and I had to pay an extra £39.99 plus VAT,’ said Sarah Johnstone. ‘I complained that this sort of money-grabbing reminded me of my absent Dad who just took, took, took but left me nothing in his will – and they added another £29.99.’

The new charge is part of a raft of revised charges from the no-frills airline, including extra payments for seats for those who opt not to stand for the duration of their flight. There has been criticism of the airline for their decision to charge for oxygen in the event of emergency. ‘The oxygen masks will still drop down from the overhead lockers as required by law,’ explained Michael O’Leary, ‘but now the supply of oxygen is activated by a simple slot-meter that takes Euros and pound coins.’

RyanAir check-inNervous passengers can also rent the life jacket under their seats and buy a scratch-card to win a place in the life-raft. ‘But we are doing away with the traditional in-flight scratch-and-win cards,’ reported a Ryanair insider. ‘What with all these savings and the new all-day scampi wrap, flying with us is quite enough of a lottery already.’

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Posted: Sep 14th, 2007 by Thackeray

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