A group of superheroes staged a public protest yesterday as part of their campaign for ‘improved rights for heroes denied access to ordinary lives’. Throughout the day, Spider-Man, Superman, Batman and Mr Fantastic dressed up as single fathers and undertook mundane tasks such as DIY, watching Sky Sports or taking small children to McDonalds.
Called ‘Superheroes Sick of Justice’, the group’s stated aim is to highlight the difficulties faced by adventure book heroes in ordinary society. ‘We are sending the message that there’s more to us than righting wrongs and scaling tall buildings in primary-coloured spandex costumes,’ said Mr Fantastic yesterday. ‘Superheroes have a right to boring, day-to-day problems just like anyone else – but how can we be expected to deal with them when we’re constantly called upon to combat vast amorphous space entities or rescue someone else’s bloody kids?’
‘My insurance premiums have gone through the roof’ added Superman. ‘They said I’ve been at the scene of too many major accidents for this all to be down to bad luck. And have you ever tried getting a decent builder to repair your home after yet another earthquake has wiped out half of Metropolis and trapped 20 people in a lift with only one strand of cable still holding?’
The superheroes controversial protest has drawn criticism from heads of child welfare organisations who labelled it ‘foolhardy’ and even alleged that their antics were putting lives at risk. ‘These kinds of actions hardly help their case,’ said Diane Tomlinson, president of Children First. ‘Every time these people go off and try to be ordinary it leaves a packed school bus on a suspension bridge open to exploitation by some warped, maniacal super-villain.’
But the superheroes say they will continue in their fight to be ordinary, and in future will be turning up to the scene of disasters in their new personas of ‘Take-Photo-On-Mobile-Man’, ‘Mr Suggest-Suing-the Council’ and ‘Tutting-Health-and-Safety-Man’.
TobyV with help from Seymour Totti