A shocking new theory about the disappearance of Madeleine McCann will be utterly discredited tomorrow, according to a source close to the case. Details of the new theory have yet to be released, but one insider has revealed that within twenty four hours it will turn out to be ‘utter rubbish.’
The latest far-fetched account of Madeleine’s disappearance is being kept a closely guarded secret, but according to Portuguese police, it may involve an eye-witness report that the missing four year old was kidnapped by associates of Roman Abramovich in an attempt to frame Jose Mourinho, or possibly that she was ‘stolen by a bear, taken across the border to Spain, then dropped and swooped on by a large eagle who carried her off to her nest in the Pyrennees where she is now being raised as an eagle chick.’ Or neither of these.
The new theory was painstakingly constructed from minute shreds of evidence by top British journalists working at the Institute of Advanced Innuendo and Rumour. It is understood to be backed up by 100% reliable DNA tests, which will turn out to be totally flawed in a week’s time.
Meanwhile photo editors are reported to struggling to keep up with the case. ‘On the days when Kate McCann is a suspect, we try and find a sinister picture; when that idea is dismissed we print a tragic looking one. The important thing is not to get them mixed up, or just put in a Diana one by mistake, like we did the other day.’