Polls in the United States reveal that Barack Obama looks unlikely to be the Democrat nominee for the Presidential elections and might as well give up this time around. People who responded to the survey across America gave several different reasons why he wouldn’t make it, with some suggesting it’s simply the case that his feet are just too big to fit under the Oval Office desk.
‘He’s a pretty tall guy, but man have you seen the size of his feet, I mean, Jeez where’d he get ‘em from? I can’t think of any other reason why he shouldn’t be the candidate, but there’s no way I’m voting for someone with feet his size,’ said one Democrat activist from Cincinnati.
However, Mr Obama’s shoes were later revealed to be pretty normal, and focus shifted onto other political concerns such as his dentistry, nasal hair and the length of his thumbs. Another Democratic activist from Houston said, ‘Ah well, OK. Er, what we need is a candidate who’s not, er, it’s kinda delicate this but, er, oh yeah, it’s just he sounds a bit like ‘Osama’, you see what a’hm saying there? We don’t want no-one getting confused cos they ain’t gonna vote for no terrorist. Cos he ain’t one and that’s a fact. But someone could get confused, I think. No, wait a minute.’
The Democrats are seen as the more liberal of the two American parties and not one of them has been able to give any grounds whatsoever for their niggles about Obama’s campaign. But in Memphis a Democrat activist was more forthright when he said ‘He’s just too darn nice; lovely wife and all and we have a responsibility to see that he don’t get his feelings hurt, I’m sure that’s what it is. Nobody’s said as much but I think that’s a pretty good bet.’
Other suggestions including ‘hair too short’, ‘a bit snorey’ and ‘tie too bright’ have also been dismissed as cosmetic and irrelevant. The discussion within the party is set to continue, but hopes of an early resolution were dashed after the Texas Democrats, who claim to know what the problem is, refused to tell anyone for ‘political reasons’. Offers from Jesse Jackson to step into the breach were met with an embarrassed silence.