Miles Martin was laid to rest yesterday in a moving ceremony in North London attended by family and friends. Martin, 53, a chronic hypochondriac died of a heart attack brought about by progressive angina.
Despite being an avid reader of online medical journals Miles ignored the obvious warning signs of heart disease such as palpitations, shortness of breath and chest pains, putting it down to ‘just getting older’.
Martin’s physician Dr Edward Forde said, ‘I can’t believe he’s gone, over time he became a close friend. Only last Thursday he was in my office suggesting that he was the first human to suffer from the Bluetongue virus. The signs of heart disease are fairly obvious; there’s plenty effective treatments too. How a man of his wide medical knowledge missed them I’ll never know.’
It was revealed that over the years Miles has claimed to be HIV positive, had the Ebola virus, five different types of cancer, Parkinson’s, Cystic Fibrosis and two ectopic pregnancies amongst other complaints. Miles raised money for dozens of charities that he claimed were, ironically, close to his heart; leading to some colleagues suggesting that he was making a few of them up.
Most, however, remembered Miles warmly, recalling that the Management Accountant was known as ‘Doc’ because of his extensive medical knowldege. Despite being often absent from work for tests and screening he always found time to suggest horrific possibilities to co-workers of even the most minor of illnesses. Damian Munro said, ‘One day Miles and I were out having a smoke and I coughed slightly and he informed me matter-of-factly that I had pleurisy and probably a month to live. The fat bastard even bet me a tenner; I wonder how I claim that now?’