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Death Star; insurance money still unpaid

Many thousands of years after the destruction of the Empire’s famous ‘Death Star’, a protracted legal battle is continuing over unpaid insurance money, amid claims that the Empire’s ultimate weapon was seriously under-insured.

The Death Star was targeted in an unprovoked attack by rebel terrorists, four months after completion, and only days after a successful demonstration of the ‘ultimate firepower’ of this most awesome weapon. The resulting explosion completely destroyed the biggest capital project the Empire had embarked upon to date. To add to the distress of the Empire’s Property Management Group, it was subsequently claimed by their insurers that their policy limits fell at least 150,000,000 Galactic credits short of what they needed to rebuild.

A complex legal battle has continued ever since, with the result that thousands of years after the dramatic destruction of the Death Star, still no insurance money has been paid out. Insurers claimed that unnecessary delays were caused by inadequate responses on the initial claim form. For example, under the section marked ‘Date and Location of Accident’ they had put ‘A long time ago in a galaxy far away.’

‘These random attacks have really hurt our business’ added a spokesman for one insurance company which specializes in TIE-fighter starship coverage. ‘We used to deal mainly with storm-troopers who had scraped the edge of one of their TIE-fighter’s wings reversing into a parking space. But now we are looking at hundreds of instances of large-scale destruction of whole vehicles. It is making the galactic insurance sector completely unviable.’

Despite the compensation delays, the Emperor has personally pledged to ensure the Death Star will be rebuilt, and this time the X-wing shaped hole in the side will be properly plugged to make sure ‘lightning doesn’t strike twice again.’ ‘Then we will be launching an all out final assault on the Jedi forces’ said the Emperor. ‘As soon as we have got the all-clear from the Health and Safety people.’

Zadok

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Posted: Nov 6th, 2007 by NewsBiscuit

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